Bruce Springsteen Lyrics From An Alternate Reality Where New Jersey is Overrun By Gigantic Carnivorous Rabbits

 

All day we sweat it out working for the American dream

All night we huddle in fortified bunkers, listening to doomed men scream

As rabbits the size of Ford Econoline vans

Devour them whole, then spit out their hands

Why don’t they eat the hands?

Am I the only one who wonders why the rabbits don’t eat the hands?

From “They Don’t Eat The Hands”

 

Mary, I had that dream again

The one where I’m singing on stage

And I know that dreaming is frivolous

In the shadow of a big rabbit’s rage

Hey, let’s you and me go for a drive

And if I fail to get you back home alive

Baby I’ll write a song about you

Baby I’ll make it a good one

From “I Promise”

 

My girl has a heart like an engine

That roars hot and loud through the night

When she’s by my side I feel all right

Not as good as I’d feel tearing through the Meadowlands in an armored van

With machine guns mounted to the hood

Got me a girl with a heart like an engine

Not ideal, but still pretty good

From “Rabbit Town (You Take What You Can Get)”

 

A rabbit ate the top of my father’s head

Ten days before I was born

And sometimes in the summer when the sun shines down

I wonder what it’d be like, if he was still around

I bet we would have been best friends

I bet he would have approved of my decisions

And encouraged me to pursue my dreams

And when he finally died of old age

There would be nothing unresolved between us

Yeah, not a thing unresolved between my daddy and me

From “Daddy”

 

I got a job working construction for the Johnstown Company

But then a rabbit eviscerated the foreman so I was out of work, suddenly

Now Mary’s always worrying about money

It’s like she blames me more than the bunny

I fucking hate living in New Jersey

And constantly wish I did not

From “We Can’t Even Go Swimming (Because Rabbits Claimed the River)”

 

Guy down at the refinery

Tried explaining the economy

I said, “Friend, don’t you understand?

I’m too busy staying ahead of the rabbits, man.”

From “No Time For Politics”

 

Hey I found a magic guitar

And when I play a certain chord

The monster rabbits obey me, like I’m their holy lord

Let’s take a ride on one’s back

I swear it will not attack

Unless to do so is my will

This incredible power is such a thrill!

Can you believe I used to think cars were cool?

Cars are for losers

Baby, we’re riding rabbits now

From “Cars Are For Losers”

 

Hopping towards Philadelphia

A herd of rabbits at my back

New York is already under my control,

Delaware’s been sacked

I hoped it wouldn’t come to war, so please try to remember

You were given multiples chances

To surrender

From “No Surrender”

 

Every now and then I see a friend from way back when

But they won’t meet my eyes

Once I was a boy with a heart full of fire

Now I’m the ruler of a Mid-Atlantic empire

It’s been fifteen years since I learned that chord

And used the rabbits to seize control

Sometimes I wonder if it cost me my soul

 

(Audience responds)

No, your majesty

Don’t say such a thing

Our lives are so much better

Now that you’re the king

You’re kind

You’re just

And we love you

You’re the boss!

 

You call me the boss,

You say you’re in awe

But isn’t that because you’re compelled to, by law?

 

(Audience Responds)

We were caught up in the moment

And forgot that was the law!

Our love for you has nothing to do

With the threat of death beneath a rabbit paw

 

And if you heard someone plotting my downfall,

What would you do?

 

(Audience responds)

Report them, of course

Because we love you!

You’re the boss!

 

That’s what I’m talking about

From “The National Anthem”

 

My name is Bruce Springsteen and I’m here to say

I sliced off a finger chopping carrots today

Which means I can no longer play the magic chord

That keeps me in charge of who gets gored

Now the rabbits are loose, my empire’s in shambles

Which is why I’m right here taking this gamble

That I can keep the bunnies docile and napping

By doing some passionate amateur rapping

All the rabbits in the house go, “Yawn!”

Fragment, discovered posthumously