Last week, I had a tweet blow up. It wasn’t the first time a tweet of mine got a lot of little hearts, but it was the first time news sites covered it.
More importantly this was the first of my “political” tweets to blow up. I am hesitant to say this tweet is viral. Viral makes me think hundreds of the thousands of people interacting it. But what I will say, people say this. Many more than are in my humble base.
And with these new eyes came the weirdest people on the internet. Well, maybe I am getting ahead of myself. You might have caught it early, this is a “political” tweet. I keep it in quotes, because I don’t think it is actually political.
Obama taking a fire pic of Michelle with his iPad is everything I needed tonight pic.twitter.com/8bb5oRQWkH
— Rosa Esc@ndón (@therealescandon) April 17, 2017
I like the Obama’s, which I guess is a political statement because they are a political family. But, unfortunately in my opinion, neither have any governmental power anymore. They are just 2 public citizens living their lives, and if this photo is to be believed, their best lives is as an Instagram model and a dad going on a college tour in New England.
But the internet thought this was a very political tweet and that I need to know that my political opinion (whatever that might be) is wrong. But I realized something. Twitter is full of the type of people who see a tweet mainly about Obama looking like a dad from a low level comedian in New York who has like 2000 followers and think “Wow, this is the perfect place for my political thoughts.”
And I wanted to highlight some of these people and their amazing burns, hot takes, and conspiracies. These people made these comments publicly and all I can ask is why?
Deplorable Alan, what do you stand for?
Given the (now dated) name, I assume that he is a right winger ride or die, but I am not actually sure what he is saying. the “I have to hurl” makes enough sense. Seeing photos of a man and his wife on a boat is too much for Alan and he needs to puke. But the “yes me too” is where I have lost him. He seems to be replying to my comment, this is “everything I needed.” So it’s everything he needed too, but he puked. Maybe like on your birthday when you are a kid and you are opening presents and you get so excited you accidentally barf.
Calm Down Kutz.
She’s mad as hell. Of all my commentators, she is easily the most prolific. She also gives off the vibe that she only reads the Inquirer. She really believes that the Obama’s are not well off from I don’t know being a lawyer or even a Senator, but because they stole it? Yes, with a man in the white house that still hasn’t divested from his companies or released, idk, his taxes, she is worried that the Obama’s some how stole a boat. Not only that, all democrats have stolen boats. Sorry, she’s not that crazy, boat money.
Mark and the common thread of me
Many people think there is something very wrong with me. And there is. It just has nothing to do with sharing a photo of a former politician on a boat. Seriously, if this is worst thing about me, I would be a millennial saint.
See this is much more of an appropriate tweet to call me out on. This is fair. I probably am a little off if that’s how I see both the former president and dads.
Also please if you are going to quote me do it right. “Everything I needed tonight.” In my whole life I need a lot more, but for the night of April 16th at 9:45, yeah I’m good. But I guess I’m just low maintenance like that.
Sharon and Anne, who’s side are they on.
Sharon is right, I am easily pleased. It’s because I am generally happy. I have a pretty good job, get to live in New York and have a lot of friends plus a great boyfriend. It is easy to please me. Now Sharon isn’t all about my disposition, she also thinks that this was a photo opt. Which I guess it could be, but what a weird photo opt. It was obviously taken from far away and they aren’t doing anything head line worthy. If they were smiling and helping kids, sure, this just seems like a paparazzi thing. I think Sharon is too paranoid. Like who hurt you, Sharon?
But then there is Anne. Another confuser. Is she saying Sharon to go away or for the Obamas or for me? In any case the “Yes” makes it more confusing.
But there’s more. Sharon comes back with another confusing comment. Who isn’t seeing the truth? Me, Ann, the Obamas? Who can say? We didn’t come here to make friends.
And Sharon sure doesn’t.
She tries to gaslight Joy, but Joy don’t care. We all know what Joy is down for. No confusion here.
Now I know it sounds like I was talking about a fight my aunts had, but seemingly no one knows anyone else in this epic.
WWW is a hashtager.
What an aggressive Hashtag use. Honestly, I would listen to arguments about the morality behind Obama’s drone program. I probably wouldn’t go as far as war criminal, but let’s just remember this is a tweet about using an iPad as a camera and you just used a hashtag.
John is very polite and I like that about him
He hasn’t got back to me, but I am actually curious. I don’t know who I would put at number 1 myself.
The most likes one of these got
What a weird, out of context thing to retweet?
What a messed up human.
I honestly do not know what this means.
I know it is negative. But what is POS? A rapper from Minnesota? Positively Outstanding Service? Point of Sale? Google told me all of these things. But Urban Dictionary gave me the most likely explanation, piece of shit. While I have some nit picky issues with a plural being a singular piece of anything, just imagine the type of person that won’t swear, but will compare people to shit publicly.
S.M. GETS ME
Deb is so sincere that Vincent has to take her down. While I have list of things to say about “non-exraditable [sic] islands,” S.M. really says it all. Also her screen name makes me want to be friends.
GAY PEOPLE ARE GROSS LOL
Some light homophobia is what the internet was based on, but this goes further. This tweet set me onto an amazingly bizarre conspiracy theory that Michelle Obama is transgender and they stole their children from Chicago. Also she might have murdered Joan Rivers to keep it a secret? My mother is a 9/11 conspiracy theorist and honestly this is far more crazy that anything I have ever heard of before. It is almost amazing to even think of the layers of hate, misogyny, transphobia and really just pure being a idiot that went into this POPULAR conspiracy theory.
But Michelle bashing doesn’t stop there.
WOW. Mary I wouldn’t attach your whole name to this tweet, especially because,
Yep, you read it right. Mary is a former Mayor. While it is sad that she only has 14 followers since she was the freaking mayor. Honestly, I would not want to be her grand kids.
Other’s added more scorn.
We know Mary isn’t pretty, but I would bet money that Claudia is not a drawing of a Japanese school girl and is also as ugly as her tweets are. Also side note, “rump” really? Are you 70? What? If you are, I have more questions.
We met Deplorable Alan, but was he Deplorable enough? Meet VERY DEPLORABLE
He actually liked my last tweet. I think secretly we would rather live in New York, just no one would pay him. Also where is he getting Messiah from? Is he religious? Also my Messiah is David Bowie who art in heaven.
Some are just glad!
This is the most positive burn I have ever seen. He’s turning alt right to all right! Just kidding he’s still the type of person to troll a tweet about an iPad.
Some people where just here for the iPad
They are the real heroes. They understand why I tweet what I tweet.
But there are more heroes.
The people who came to poke the trolls. I would say fight but this is all meaningless anyways. Mostly, I am just glad other people are on my side and I could just sit back and be lazy.
Some people were on my side but just extremely off topic.
Note: I did not say anything about Trump or Spicer.
Some just suck at burns
This feels racist but also might be about pirates. But also not a good joke.
But in the end, tweets come and go, and I all I can say is,
Whatever the fuck that means.